He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
