dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
