Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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