discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
