Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
