Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
