If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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