I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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