How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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