matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
