I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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