things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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