After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize