Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
