Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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