Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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