After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
