matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
one might say we're banned from that church
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
