So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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