I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
