I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
