when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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