i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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