I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
