I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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