Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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