i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
