if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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