There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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