I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
