I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
