he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BRING THE BAGELS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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