At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
