You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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