Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
