Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
