It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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