If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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