I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's rum buckets o'clock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
