Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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