you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
