youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
