He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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