yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
