1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
