the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
