He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
