I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
