I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
