We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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