you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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