david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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