You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
