I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
