my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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