38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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