i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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