i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
