he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
