i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
