I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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