I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
