Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
