Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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